I have recently come out of a long period of deep doubt. Over the summer months and through September, I had been doubting everything about my faith, even the existence or goodness of God. There was nothing catastrophic that caused this season of doubt, I simply began questioning. Accepting the Christian faith seemed foolish, and no matter how close I was able to come to faith via reason, the leap of faith, the decision to believe, seemed far too wide. I was simply unable to make the leap of faith in believing in God or Jesus Christ.
I struggled with this, still praying to God and reading the Bible, all the while wondering if God even existed when I suddenly had a desire to watch the DVDs of one of my favorite TV shows, Firefly. During one of the episodes, one of the characters says, “You don’t fix faith. It fixes you.” This was a starting point in helping me feel comfortable with faith again, and I began the journey back to having faith.
Through this journey, I found my faith had changed in a wonderful way. As I was leading worship one Sunday morning several weeks ago, I began leading the congregation in the Nicene Creed (the Church’s basic statement of our faith) and thinking to myself, “I’m not sure I believe all of this.”
Then I realized I didn’t have to believe every word of the Creed, because the rest of the church was there to believe it for me. The Church’s faith in Jesus is the faith of the whole Church, not just of any one individual. Individuals within the Church will always have doubts, always wonder if they believe everything in the Christian faith, but the Church still has faith and supports those who doubt by keeping that faith.
So, if you have doubts, if you question or wonder about the faith, you’re in good company. As Christians, we needn’t each believe every aspect of the Christian faith at all times in order to remain as Christians. We have each other to believe for us when we are unable to believe. We can depend on each other to continue to have faith when any one of us is in doubt. Others will believe when you or I can’t, as will we at some point believe when others have doubt.
The title of my blog is a reference to when the apostle Paul was struck blind upon meeting Jesus on the road to Damascus. This was Paul's conversion to Christianity, and three days later, "something like scales" fell from his eyes, and he could see again. The entries that follow are times in my life when "something like scales" has fallen from my eyes and I have seen the world in a new way.
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